$18 billion?? Obama said it right ~ SHAMEFUL!!

So I read this this morning: 

$18 billion. That’s what Wall Street bankers pulled down in bonuses over the past two months, according to a report from the New York State comptroller — even as many of these institutions received billions in taxpayer dollars. “That is the height of irresponsibility. It is shameful,” President Obama said today, following a meeting with Vice President Joe Biden, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, and the rest of the economic team.

And shameful is right, but FU’d is closer.  In a time when people are just flat broke, wall street gets bonuses.  What is that all about.   And yes I did work for a corporation and yes I did receive bonuses.  But I never got huge amounts!  I got at most $10,000 and I think that was only for 1 year.  Usually the bonuses were set up in some FU’d system to ensure you never got the full amount.  Of course the top execs got their full amount, but that is how that game is played  now isn’t it.  Bet those people don’t have creditors calling them all damn day. 

The phone rings so much at my house that I think it’s ringing even when it is not.  Now I get why I am being harrassed daily, the executives at those companies need money to pay their high dollar bonuses!!  But don’t get me wrong, I owe the money, and god willing I will find a job so I can pay them back and close those accounts so I never have to go through this again! 

Speaking of money (the root of all evil ~ whoever said that was a genius!) I was checking out if there was a way to get some assistance with prescription drug costs since yesterday spent $500 on the kids ADHD meds, and there isn’t unless you have no insurance.  Well I do have insurance, but just shitty insurance!  To keep the costs down, I go with a higher deductible and of course due to the pre existing condition of the ADHD the kids all have deductibles to meet that are specific to drug coverage.  The next few months are really going to suck!!

All I can do is sell my possessions and continue to look for a job.  I look every day with a self quota of placing 3 applications in per day.  Nothing yet, but I continue to hope that employment is looming in my future.  Not only will I not be bored out of my mind anymore, but I will also get some much needed income to stop the harassment.  I just don’t understand why credit card companies can’t be like the medical centers who accept smaller amounts per month until it’s paid off.  I tried to tell one company that I could send in a monthly payment, but just not what they wanted per month.  They told me that it wasn’t enough and I had to accept a settlement by law.  So if you miss your payments by so many months, the government dictates that the companies settle the account.  I don’t get it, and who knows if it is true?  They will all try anything to get whatever out of you that they can.  But I wish they could look at the whole picture.  I have had stellar credit for years and years only to be laid off and struggling with ruined credit now.  Why can’t someone with some intelligence look at that and say, hmmm… she has always paid on time, maybe we will give her a couple of months to get it together and then start billing her again.  What would be wrong with that???

Oh well, I am off to look for a job again.  Listening to creditor’s messages.  Waiting for the kids to get home.  BORING!!!!!

Have a fab weekend!

ADHD drugs can cause hallucinations in some kids? WTF????

So I go to the pharmacy today and get my kids ADHD drugs.  The new year started and I’ve yet to reach the deductible so I pay $500 for a 1 month supply.  Yep, $500!  And then I get a letter from the insurance company and they are increasing our payments from $417.00 to $499.79 per month.  So that really sucks especially when you don’t have any extra money lying around.  That is a difficult hit at the beginning of the year and we won’t hit the drug deductible until March.  This is a rough quarter for us. 

Then I come home and read about ADHD drugs causing hallucinations in some kids.  So, not only do I pay $500 for the drugs, but  the side effects can cause hallucinations.  I could use some hallucinations right now, but I won’t be getting my drugs until March!  (unless I become gainfully employed before then!) 

So, let’s talk about insurance companies…  They suck… OK, now let’s talk about Pharmaceutical companies… They suck…  OK now that I have got that all out, how about all these people killing themselves because they don’t have jobs even though they have excellent qualifications and the credit card companies keep harassing them…  So I have to say honestly that I get it.  And NO I am not going to choose to do that, but I do understand how you can be so down and out that you can’t see any other way out.  I understand that frustration.  Of having your kids look to you for answers when you just don’t have any.  Kids asking why they don’t have what other kids have…and having to say, well, we are poor. 

I feel for these people making these irreversible choices.  I understand why they did, but seriously, what changes???  The world goes on…  We all read the stories, feel sorry for those involved, and continue on with our lives.  There is no gain from it ~ only peace for the people who decide that they have no alternative.  And peace is quite enticing when you are looking for work and can’t find any knowing that every time the phone rings it is someone else wanting money from you while you don’t have any to give. 

This world needs some compassion for those less fortunate.   This country needs to stop bailing out all those big companies with uber rich executives and start bailing out the people who truly need it.  Why can’t the government take their 700 gazillion bucks and pay each tax payer $100,000.  I am sure someone much smarter than I would find a million reasons why that can’t happen, but just think about it for a minute.  Wouldn’t it equal close to the same amounts spent having to bail out these companies???  Wouldn’t people getting money spur the economy??  They could pay their bills and then some of these companies wouldn’t be in so much trouble.  People wouldn’t be loosing their houses, cars, or whatever else that they are loosing right now.    So why can’t the government do something that dramatic??  I truly believe it is called for these days.  Don’t send me $300, it doesn’t even cover a month of health insurance for my family.  Send me a real amount that can make a difference.  I need it now, and I have paid quite a bit in taxes over the years, damn it, I want my money back!!!!!

OK, off to make dinner now.  But think about it, why not as tax payers don’t we all demand more from the government and stop all this bail out crap of companies. 

Iz

Superbowl Sunday Already??? Time Flies, but I am not having FUN!!!!!!

So, I go to my in laws for dinner last night and they ask me what I am doing on Sunday.  Hmmm, not sure, but why are they asking?  So they say, “You are in your own little world aren’t you?”  Hmm, guess so, because I didn’t know that the Superbowl was on this Sunday!  And of course, I have no idea who is playing anyway!  But I love to watch the commercials.  I swear it is the best part of the game!

I wonder if Budweiser is going to have the best ones again.  The job search sites also have good ones, and Pepsi and Coke are usually pretty good!  My favorite from last year was the dog and the horse training to be in the parade.  That commercial just rocked!  So, I guess I should thank them for letting me know that my favorite commercial time is coming up.  It is the ONLY time I don’t mind the commercials and stay in the room for them.  Actually I rarely watch TV.  I choose to DVR the shows that I am interested in and then FF through the commercials. 

Which makes me think that our universe is moving a little fast isn’t it?  It’s already time for the Superbowl, and I could have sworn the season had just started!  Time moves very fast these days.  I wonder if it is because there is sooooo much stuff for us to do as opposed to when I was a kid.  I remember having only 3 TV channels, 4 if you count PBS and never getting to watch anything anyway!   We were always playing outside and didn’t have to worry about some freak offering us candy or needing help finding a puppy!  What has the world turned into? 

Times are crazy these days.  I remember not having anything electronic, and now, my kids have MP3 players, laptops, video games, and are still begging for cell phones.  There are so many things for them to do now days and they still get “bored” with it all.  How can they be bored with all that stuff??????   I have to wonder do kids just get bored no matter what?   I think so.  I remember getting bored as a kid, but usually we were thrown outside.  Now days thanks to “crazies” you can’t even do that.  My parents had it easy!!!!!  They would tell you differently, but I swear they did.  They had less to worry about, less information hitting them daily, and more time to spend with their kids.  (not that they did mind you – but I get that now!!) 

So this Sunday, I am going to sit with the kids and watch the commercials with no laptop, cell phone, mp3 players, or video games.  Just like when I was a kid ~ watching football with my mom and dad and screaming at the TV whenever our team made a touchdown.

By the way, who is playing???

Iz

JuiceBoxJungle – Sleeping Around??? Interesting!

So I found a new site since I’ve still got too much time on my hands.  JuiceBoxJungle.com  It’a cool site about parenting these days.  I just watched their latest video about letting your kids sleep in your bed.  Hmmm, interesting.  So here’s the deal.  My kids sleep in my bed every night!!!!!   Their dad travels and is only home on the weekends.  So, of course, they are in my bed every night.  And when dad comes home, our whole house is disrupted!!!  They both get annoyed at giving up their spaces for dad.  It’s kind of funny!  

Can’t say that it’s a good thing, after all, they are 11 & 8, but trying to get them out of my bed is like taking food from the dogs!  It just isn’t easy without suffering!  And yes I have tried many times to get them to sleep in their own rooms.  But my daughter is convinced there is a ghost in her room, and my son always sneaks back in my bed after falling asleep in his own.  Without fail, if I by chance get to sleep alone (Whoppie!!) I wake up in the morning to both of them.  I just don’t know how they do it.  I have even tried sleeping on the couch and in the morning, there they are!

They just don’t sleep!!!  I, on the other hand, LOVE sleep.   Once I am out, I don’t hear a thing.  So catching the sneaky little shi^$s moving in on my territory is just impossible.  My husband just hates it.  He tells me all the time to get them out of our bed, which is easy for him to say while he is away!  And quite frankly most of the time I really don’t care.  Sure I would love the space, but I don’t notice once I am asleep.  And they tend to sleep through the night without interruption when they are in my bed.  (At least I don’t think they wake up!)

There are times when I wish they would sleep in their own beds, but in the end, what does it matter?   I know that they won’t be sleeping in my bed forever, so why not let them sleep with me now?  In 10 years my son will deny that it ever happened, and my daughter will most likely have someone else to sleep with!  There will be plenty of time for me to sleep alone.  So, I admit it, my kids sleep in my bed!

Do yours???

Iz

It is COLD today!!!! Why do the kids have to go to school??

You gotta love the Midwest.   The temp is currently 4.  When it is this cold, there is no keeping the house warm!!!  Old farm houses are energy killers.  The kids were complaining about going to school.  They seem to feel that when it is this cold, they should be able to stay at home and not go out.  Can’t say that I blame them, but am glad to have some peace and quiet while they are gone.  Selfish aren’t I?!?!!?   

The older and more logical they get, the more difficult it is.  They are starting to make sense when they question things.  My daughter asked me why she needed to know about the solar system.  Hmmm, can’t say that I ever used that information in my everyday life.  Why does she need to know all the little details about the solar system?  Oh yeah, to get a good grade in Science class.  But is that the only reason??  I wonder…

There is tons of stuff that my kids learn that I just don’t remember learning.  So why do kids have to learn all this stuff??  I told her that someday she may appear on a quiz show and they will ask a question about which position Jupiter is in and she needs to know so she doesn’t look stupid on TV.  how does that sound??  Yeah, I know.  I need to think of a better answer, but it worked for the moment!!!  My son comes home and says school sucks and he doesn’t know why he needs to learn all this stuff.  He is 8.  Yeah I am in deep Sh$* with this kid.   I have way more thinking to do to stay ahead of this kid. 

I keep wondering about school in the 1900’s.  They didn’t learn all the crap that the kids learn today.  They needed to learn how to survive in their less automatic world.  The more learning that takes place in the world, the more stuff these kids are expected to learn.  When does it become overload and when does it become a pure waste of time and how can it be changed??   I want my kids to learn some stuff, but intricate science details most likely won’t help them pay the bills.  Unless of course they become scientists?  Maybe.?!?  I guess anything is possible. 

It just seems that as time goes on, there is so much to learn about that learning is never ending.  Which is fine for someone like me who enjoys learning, but what about those people who don’t??  Their worlds must suck.  Which takes me back to my kids who just aren’t into learning things that they don’t think will apply to them.  But how do they know if it will apply or not?  Maybe that is why they have to learn the intricate details of the solar system?  Have I stumbled upon a new argument?!?!?!  I will try it and see how they respond.

For now, I am going to work on keeping warm and being glad that they are at school learning!!

Large Hadron Collider – How many people are freaking on this one?

OK, so I am bored right.  So I check out the various news organizations to see what is going in the world around me.  I read this article at Fox News: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,483477,00.html

 And I am thinking…WTF???  Like I need to be thinking about this crap today.  Right?!?!  Then again, if the world is sucked up in a black hole, I certainly don’t need a job, maybe this is just the solution I was looking for?!?!?!  Hmmm, nope, not into this black hole thingy.  I may not be the sharpest tack in the box, but I can’t see how this is a good thing for science to be exploring.  I feel the need to call Switzerland and say KNOCK IT OFF….SERIOUSLY…JUST KNOCK IT OFF!!!

And we already know how my mind wanders, so I start thinking about the depressed people in the world and wonder what they are thinking when they hear about this LHC.  And what about those in the universe who are paranoid…. Bet they are really freaking out.  Just can’t be a healthy read for them. 

By the way, would anyone else buy Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup if they took out the chicken?  Just had lunch and yeah, I had soup, but I hate the chicken in the soup.  I wish they would just take it out.  Crazy huh?!?! 

Anyway, the kids are home in two hours and I am off to play that silly Animal Crossings game before they get here.  YES I NEED A JOB!!!

Speaking of needing a job, I look everyday right, and today I see a Music Therapist job, and I am thinking… (scary isn’t it) Wow that sounds like a kick arse job…Then I read where the job is (a psychiatric hospital with serious violent sexual predators) and I am thinking…. Hmmm, maybe not!!!  The pay is pretty good, but the atmosphere would most certainly be NOT!!  (no offense to any predators out there, but playing music for predators just isn’t my cup of tea!)  And now I get just why the pay is 60+.  

But seriously now, if you are looking for a job, and have health care experience (RN, LPN, OT) , I believe you will be employed forever.   And I just want to tell you that you suck! 

Ritalin helps me out!

So, today I took my doctor prescribed Ritalin.  It helps me out quite a bit.  I don’t know why, but I do know it does.  ADHD is a rough road for a mom.  When I take my Ritalin, I am more focused and get so much more done.  For example, today after putting the kids on the bus, I cleaned the house and took time to call some creditors back to discuss paying the bills I owe, but can’t pay since I am unemployed.  Not fun, but with Ritalin, I can at least not ignore the issue and do something about it. 

ADHD symptoms I have noticed in myself include procrastination, which doesn’t help any situation let alone mine!   I really need a coach right now to help me through these rough patches, but coaching costs money, which I don’t have and I am barely surviving as it is.  Not a happy place, but a place all the same.  And of course winter doesn’t help because every winter I get SAD.   You know, that lack of sunshine disorder that kicks some people in the arse every winter.  I think there are special light bulbs you can buy to help overcome it, but again that takes money!!! 

ADHD also does have you switching up quite a bit pending on what is going on in your environment.  For example, I can be writing on my computer, hear the dogs bark, go to the window to see what they are barking at, see a basket of clothes, proceed to the laundry room to switch out the laundry, come back and start folding clothes, go through the kitchen, start wondering what I am making for dinner, start going through the cupboards, think about the stuff I need to get from the store, go back to my office, get paper for a list, go back to the kitchen and start making a list, hear the dogs bark again, check to see what they are barking at, see the mailman delivering mail, go outside and get the mail, come back in to my office and sit down and begin writing again.  Whew…  I so get the bumper sticker I don’t have ADHD….look a squirrel!! 

Making lists help me get done everything I need to get done around the house.   The order I get things done in changes, but the lists pretty much stay the same.  Its a tool that I use to help me with my ADHD.  I also use the tool with the kids.  They hate lists now, but know it works!!

So, my crazy universe overfilled with ADHD can sometimes be trying, but it is also entertaining.  I always think that I would not change anything about our little world, (except that job thing) because it would also change who we are.  I like me, and sometimes I even like my kids.  Now my husband, that’s another story!!!!!  

Have a wonderful day!  And if you happen to have ADHD as well, have a more focused day!

IZ

True Beauty – My Guilty Pleasure…

OK, I admit it… I am addicted to the new reality show True Beauty.  It is sometimes corny, and sometimes stupid, but most of the time entertaining.  WHY??   I don’t get it, but I have to watch it every Monday night!!  I just love watching the beautiful people being tested on their actions when no one is watching.  I sometimes can’t believe what I am watching.

I can’t forget watching the hidden camera’s catching the contestants looking at each others medical files.  Holy crap, how’s that for in your face.  Then when they went on the streets and peddled money from people ~ the group that said they were collecting for charity.  WTF??!!??  I have to wonder just what are they thinking after they are caught doing these unethical things.  I think I would just die if it were me and I was caught on camera!!!!! 

Tonight one of my favorites was kicked off, so I am bummed.  I really thought he had the chance to take it all the way.  It makes you wonder if the whole thing is rigged or what?   Now I have to wonder just who will win and just how they kept these people from talking about it once they were kicked off. 

This show is too damn funny and I can’t seem to get enough of it.  Like I said, it is pretty stupid, but funny as hell and I can’t wait for what the contestants do next!! 

Iz

A little bit about depression…

So, clearly I am depressed.  And no I don’t want counseling or drugs.  Depression runs in my family and I am used to standing on top of the cliff and talking myself down.  I know I am very fortunate even though life sucks right now.   I have actually had a great life up to this point and for that I am very grateful. 

But depression sucks.  It has a way of playing tricks on you and holding you back from being your true self.  As the mom, I also have to wonder how my current depression effects my children.  (effects or affects ~ I can never get this one right!!)   What do they pick up even when I act as if nothing is wrong?  I believe my son is oblivious, but my daughter and I are very connected and I think she picks up on my mood and  adopts it as her own.  She has been a little blue lately, so could it be me or is it really her??? 

I am realizing lately that as a stay at home mom, I haven’t been doing them the justice that they deserve.  By that I mean that if I am not at my best then how can they be at their best?  When I was working, I was more on top of things and thrived on the busyness of the day.  Now I am not busy and pretty much a piece of crap.  My daughter even pulled out some of my old work clothes and asked me why I never wore them and why I don’t wear makeup anymore.  Hmmmm…,. Out of the mouths of babes!  She is right, I don’t wear “Cool” clothes and makeup anymore.  I guess when you don’t have anywhere to go, you just stop trying. 

So, depression has effected my kids and me.   And of course my relationship with their father, my husband is strained as well.  We aren’t communicating well and I am just plain angry.   I don’t want to live in the middle of nowhere anymore and I want a job where I get to wear cool clothes and makeup.  More than anything, I want to make my own living again.  I hate living off of my husband and just don’t want to do it anymore.  It makes me crazy, more crazy than I am usually!!!  

So I am  beginning a path back to wellness, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Wish me luck!!  Oh, also enjoy the ride as I write about the daily grind of working my way out of the hole I have dug for myself.  My life is an open book, learn from it. 

Iz

Wii Animal Crossings

So, every morning I check email, clean the kitchen, and do some writing.  Then since I haven’t found a job yet, the rest of the day is kind of a blur.

 Enter my daughter’s Wii game Animal Crossings City Folk.  And now I am addicted to fishing and buying cute clothes for my little animal crossing girl.  I can’t believe how fun that game is.  And I can’t believe that I have spent an entire day playing it before the kids got home.  I guess that is one benefit of being an adult.  I tell my kids we work before we play, but after they are at school, mommy plays and shortly before they come home, I save and start getting ready for homework and dinner. 

It’s my dirty little secret in my extremely boring little world.  HOLY CRAP I NEED A JOB!!!!!    SOMEBODY HIRE ME BEFORE I GO CRAZY!!!!

Iz