So I have been thinking much this week about the situation with Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown.  I have been thinking about her mostly, and loathing him.  Which she may or may not appreciate.  Usually I wouldn’t pay much attention to the rich and famous, being poor doesn’t leave you with much else to think about but how to be not poor anymore, but this story from Hollywood has been distracting for me. 

Like so many others, I too have had my experience with domestic violence, and interestingly enough, it was when I was 20 as well.  It always begins slowly, then escalates to a major blow out which usually is the turning point in the relationship.  I see this situation for Rihanna as her turning point.  My heart goes out to her during this time.  I know first hand that the physical injuries heal, but the mental and emotional injuries take lots of time. 

The guilt that one feels as the victim is astounding.  Yes I believed as so many others have that it was my fault.  It is very difficult for anyone not in the situation to understand how one could blame themselves, but you do.  You feel sorry for the abuser and want to help them, even at your own expense.  OR you feel so helpless that you know that one day they will kill you, but you don’t care anymore.  It is truly a sad situation to be in. 

The good news is that it can be overcome.  You can get out of the cycle of abuse and move on to a better life.  Rihanna can turn this situation around for herself and many other girls who are in the same position as she is.  It is hard, but it can be done.  It is especially difficult to fall in love for the first time in your life only to have that person not appreciate what you are offering them.  I have been there and overcome, with a good network so can she.  I hope that she does not allow him into her life anymore.  Mostly for her and partly for the other women out there watching the situation to see what she does.  As a “star” she is a role model whether she likes or not, and there are plenty of girls out there going through what she is going through who will look to her next move to plan their own.  I feel sorry for her to have to play this out in public, but I hope she takes the responsibility seriously and ends the relationship, heals, and overcomes.  She appears strong enough to do just that, and I hope she does. 

As for Chris, he needs help too, but I feel he is seeking more help with the spin as opposed to helping himself become a better person.  Can’t say for sure, but it would appear that he is worried about his career instead of his actions.  He needs to get help so he doesn’t do this to another girlfriend.  Without help the cycle just repeats itself and someone else will fill Rihanna’s shoes.  Next time it could be more severe than this time was.  Being so young, I fear the escalation process that comes with abusers.  Change can only happen if you want it and if you seek it.  It’s his move, but whatever he does, I certainly hope he doesn’t continue to pursue Rihanna. 

To Chris:  Leave her alone, you had your chance and blew it.  Move on and help yourself now. 

To Rihanna:  Be strong, mend your broken heart and soul, and come out victorious.  Don’t let one bad seed take away what is in you and what you have to offer to another.  There are good men out there who won’t abuse you, know that and heal for now. 

The cycle of abuse is one that continues through life until you choose to do something about it.  If you are being abused, get help and plan accordingly, it you are an abuser, get help and become a better person. 

Iz