So, everybody is out looking for work these days.  I so envy the employed!!!  I can just imagine the half of them bitching about their jobs and dragging themselves to work each day.  I used to be one of those.  Now I bitch cause I can’t find a job even though I do have skills.  I went on two interviews last week and got the rejections on Monday.  The stress of  interviewing made me sick, so the rest of the week was spent in bed!  Then again, I would have to guess that depression had something to do with it as well.  It is so stressful looking for employment while the creditors call and call demanding payments.  yeah I get it, you want your money, damn, I so want to pay you, but no money in means no money out.   I can’t apply for unemployment cause I haven’t had a job in three years.  There is no money to be had. 

To top it all off, my family wants me to move back to the city, and his family wants me to stay here, while he is in another state working and will be there for at least a year.  I am going to move back to the city, but there are only two months left of school for the kids, so should I move them now or just wait for school to end?  Decisions, decisions, decisions…  I am so ready to move.  I have gotten to the point that I hate being here and negativity starts to set in, which in turn makes me just want to sleep the day away.  It isn’t a great position to be in, especially when you are a positive person and have been searching non stop for employment to make the move so much easier. 

Everything I have read online about finding a job says to stay positive and keep the faith, but it sure is easy for someone who has a job to say that isn’t it.  And seriously, I try to keep the faith, but it isn’t easy and I can’t help but to fall into the negative hole from time to time. 

So today I am climbing out of the hole again and renewing my commitment to finding work to sustain me and my kids.  I totally feel sorry for my kids right now.  Their mom just isn’t together and they so deserve better.   They deserve a mom who has her shit together and doesn’t sleep during the day while they are at school only to surface 15 minutes before they get off the bus.  They deserve a mom who keeps the house clean and the laundry done.  Yes my kids deserve better, as do I, but for now, we just survive until some company sees my value and hires me!!! 

If we get through this year, I am hoping next year will be much better!  All we can do is keep the faith, and hope for the best.  My daily inspiration says to visualize the change, so I guess it is time to visualize what job I want so I can finally get to where I want to go.  So for now, I will sign off and go visualize the change…  wish me luck!

What a week it has been.  First my mother was sick with the flu while I was in the city staying at her house.  Not fun!  So after taking care of her all day on Saturday, we get home only to be waken around 2 in the morning with my daughter violently puking her arse off.  So not good!   And this was the type of puke that just wouldn’t wait for the toilet!  Therefore, I spend Sunday bleaching the heck out of all the bedding and surrounding area so we can get rid of this virus.  My daughter was down for the count through Monday and finally went back to school Tuesday! 

But low and behold, my son begins puking on Tuesday morning right before school!  Here we go again!  Bleach, bleach, bleach…  I spent the day taking care of him and making him drink water, which he didn’t see the value in!  That was a good time to say the least.  He was down for the count until Wednesday night, and yes you guessed it, it was my turn!!  I didn’t have it as bad, but I was out part of Wednesday and all day Thursday. 

The interesting thing about this flu virus, is that when I looked up 24 hour flu; all the medical sites claimed that there is no such thing.  Hmmm, really??  So why did this flu bug run the same course with my mom, daughter, son, and myself??  First puking, then fever, then fine 24 hours later.  No such thing huh?  They all claimed it was a type of food poisoning.  Which I find interesting since none of us ate the same thing during the week we were all sick!  Whatever! 

So, today I am in recovery mode and sanitizing the whole house again just for good measure.  I certainly don’t want that virus again.  It was vile.  And I felt like I just missed a whole week of my life!! 

So, I am in catch up mode with my posts!  Enjoy~

Iz

OK, I really need to stop reading the news today and just go and play Animal Crossing!!!   So I haven’t been secretive about how my credit is virtually ruined now and how unemployment has gotten me there.  And I am fully aware of the difficulty of attaining a job with bad credit.   But according to this Aol article: 

 http://www.walletpop.com/credit/experian/poor-credit-score-kiss-these-goodbye

I an screwed in more ways than one.  And yes I realize the article was written so Experian can get more customers, but regardless, it is true.  College loans, business loans, home loans, job opportunities, and insurance rates are all impacted by those three numbers.  And I think it is pure shit.  Does the credit score take into consideration that I had stellar credit for 20 years prior to becoming unhappily unemployed?  And since loan interest and insurance rates will be higher, when I do find a job, I will end up paying more money out just because of one year of bad credit.  It certainly doesn’t seem right.

And why can’t anyone tell me the exact formula for figuring out my credit score?  You know it all depends on this, or that, and it is so complicated that the average joe just can’t do the math for him/herself.  That seems F’d up to me.  I want to know exactly how the credit score is figured out, after all, it certainly impacts me greatly!  Don’t I have the right to know how “they” grade me?  Just who are “they” anyway???  So many questions….. 

The whole credit system in America needs to be overhauled.  Take that on next Obama!!  Please before I do have to get college loans for my kids!!! 

Iz

OK, This is so damn annoying!  Just read an article at Fox News: 

“The U.S. was secretly flying unmanned drones from the Shamsi airbase in Pakistan’s southwestern province of Baluchistan as early as 2006, according to an image of the base from Google Earth, the Times of London reported Thursday.

The image — that is no longer on the site but which was obtained by The News, Pakistan’s English language daily newspaper — shows what appear to be three Predator drones outside a hangar at the end of the runway. 

The Times also obtained a copy of the image, whose coordinates confirm that it is the Shamsi airfield, also known as Bandari, about 200 miles southwest of the Pakistani city of Quetta.

The Times reported yesterday that the CIA was secretly using Shamsi to launch the Predator drones that observe and attack Al Qaeda and Taliban militants around Pakistan’s border with Afghanistan.

U.S. special forces used the airbase during the invasion of Afghanistan in 2001, but the Pakistani Government said in 2006 that the Americans had left and both sides have since denied repeatedly that Washington was using Pakistani bases.

Two senior U.S. defense officials told FOX News that no Predator unmanned aerial vehicles are currently or have recently been based on Pakistani territory, despite a statement by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, Chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, at a recent Congressional intelligence hearing.

However, they could use the Shamsi air base if they needed to. The base is well known to the U.S. military and was used by the Americans in 2001 and 2002 at the beginning of the war in Afghanistan.

One U.S. official told FOX News the U.S. has been flying “Predators or UAVs” in Pakistan since 2002. 

There have been 30 strikes since August with 11 top leaders of Al Qaeda taken out, according to intelligence reports.

Senior officials also confirm that Pakistan has been aiding the U.S. in its Predator unmanned aerial vehicle strikes in Pakistan’s tribal areas, despite its leaders very public protests that they see the strikes as a breach of sovereignty.

Both President Asif Ali Zardari and General Ashraf Kayani, the head of Pakistan’s army, have turned a blind eye to the strikes. According to the officials, these two leaders have launched no protests behind the scenes to U.S. officials about the strikes.

Any public protests have been for public consumption inside Pakistan. One official, however, says that not all elements of the Pakistani government are aware of this cooperation or support it – suggesting other civilian leaders may not be onboard.”

And I have to say WTF???   Of course we are spying on the region.  Duh!?!  But thanks to Google Earth, now everybody knows.  Knock it off.  It isn’t secret anymore.  Why does the media have to go and report this type of stuff.  Doesn’t this put our troops in harms way?  All I want is to live a peaceful life without threats on my life and the lives of my children just because we were born in America.  I just don’t understand the mentality of hating someone because they are in one country or another. 

Everyone has their own viewpoint, but killing people because of that viewpoint just seems wrong.  I think religion was never meant to be such a divider.  It should be unifying people with the thought that we each have a “god” and can worship accordingly.  You believe in yours, I believe in mine or we don’t, but it certainly isn’t a reason to kill each other.  I just don’t get it.  I wish no harm to anyone. 

I fully support drones spying on countries where terrorists live and have the goal of killing me or my kids.  I don’t support the media who decides to tell the world and compromise the mission. 

Iz

So I have been thinking much this week about the situation with Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown.  I have been thinking about her mostly, and loathing him.  Which she may or may not appreciate.  Usually I wouldn’t pay much attention to the rich and famous, being poor doesn’t leave you with much else to think about but how to be not poor anymore, but this story from Hollywood has been distracting for me. 

Like so many others, I too have had my experience with domestic violence, and interestingly enough, it was when I was 20 as well.  It always begins slowly, then escalates to a major blow out which usually is the turning point in the relationship.  I see this situation for Rihanna as her turning point.  My heart goes out to her during this time.  I know first hand that the physical injuries heal, but the mental and emotional injuries take lots of time. 

The guilt that one feels as the victim is astounding.  Yes I believed as so many others have that it was my fault.  It is very difficult for anyone not in the situation to understand how one could blame themselves, but you do.  You feel sorry for the abuser and want to help them, even at your own expense.  OR you feel so helpless that you know that one day they will kill you, but you don’t care anymore.  It is truly a sad situation to be in. 

The good news is that it can be overcome.  You can get out of the cycle of abuse and move on to a better life.  Rihanna can turn this situation around for herself and many other girls who are in the same position as she is.  It is hard, but it can be done.  It is especially difficult to fall in love for the first time in your life only to have that person not appreciate what you are offering them.  I have been there and overcome, with a good network so can she.  I hope that she does not allow him into her life anymore.  Mostly for her and partly for the other women out there watching the situation to see what she does.  As a “star” she is a role model whether she likes or not, and there are plenty of girls out there going through what she is going through who will look to her next move to plan their own.  I feel sorry for her to have to play this out in public, but I hope she takes the responsibility seriously and ends the relationship, heals, and overcomes.  She appears strong enough to do just that, and I hope she does. 

As for Chris, he needs help too, but I feel he is seeking more help with the spin as opposed to helping himself become a better person.  Can’t say for sure, but it would appear that he is worried about his career instead of his actions.  He needs to get help so he doesn’t do this to another girlfriend.  Without help the cycle just repeats itself and someone else will fill Rihanna’s shoes.  Next time it could be more severe than this time was.  Being so young, I fear the escalation process that comes with abusers.  Change can only happen if you want it and if you seek it.  It’s his move, but whatever he does, I certainly hope he doesn’t continue to pursue Rihanna. 

To Chris:  Leave her alone, you had your chance and blew it.  Move on and help yourself now. 

To Rihanna:  Be strong, mend your broken heart and soul, and come out victorious.  Don’t let one bad seed take away what is in you and what you have to offer to another.  There are good men out there who won’t abuse you, know that and heal for now. 

The cycle of abuse is one that continues through life until you choose to do something about it.  If you are being abused, get help and plan accordingly, it you are an abuser, get help and become a better person. 

Iz

Top Items I Hate About Looking For A Job….

1. Salary History

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t remember my salary history for the past 15 years.  Sure I can estimate, but give accurate amounts…no way!

1. Salary Request

I always hate this one.  Go too high and they write you off, go to low, and you wind up underpaid for the length of your tenure.  What is the right salary request?

1. Employment Dates

Again, I can’t remember all the exact dates I went from job to job.  I stayed at the same company for 15 years and was promoted to various positions.  There is no way I can remember the exact dates I was in different positions!

1. Previous Supervisor Contact Information

This one is crappy too!  Quite frankly all my previous supervisors aren’t there anymore, so I have no idea on how to get a hold of them now.  When you worked for a company who laid people off 3 quarters of the year to make the numbers, you just don’t keep in contact. 

1. Personality Tests

I have a great personality, but there are plenty of companies out there marketing their product to say differently.  Whatever happened to proven experience???  You can’t even get in the door until you pass the test that says if you would be a good fit or not.  How does one test say all that??? 

1. Credit Checks

Can’t say enough about this one.  Just because someone has hit upon some hard times, does that make them a loser for life???   Apparently so if the company wants to do credit checks before they will even interview you.

1. Previous Addresses/ Employer Addresses

Here is another one that is difficult to remember.  If you haven’t lived in the same place for 7 years, get your previous addresses together now!  How can I remember?   And the employer address is another one that is not that easy to remember.  Thank God for Google!!!

1. Lengthy Application Process

Wow could the employment world benefit from one application that can be submitted for all.  There are plenty of companies out there who have their own application process and they are long!!!  Why submit a resume if you end up having to type all the information over again in their own employment application process???  What is the resume for again???  And I just love those systems who parse out the info from your resume.  Who quality checked those apps?????? 

OK done venting now!  But if you are looking for a job like me, keep this info in mind.  Save yourself some time and create a cheat sheet with the above info.  And good luck keeping your sanity through this process!!!

Iz

So I went to the city with the kids for the weekend, we stayed at my parents house.  My mother wants me to move in with them until I get back on my feet.  She feels that since my husband has chosen a job that requires him to move to wherever he works, he in effect has abandoned us in his neck of the woods.  I can’t help but agree with her.  I didn’t choose to live in the middle of nowhere, he wanted us to move here and live here.  Now he is gone working in another state until November, when he will move again to somewhere else to work.  He is a construction forman for a commercial builder.   And he isn’t here for me or the kids.  He has talked about moving back here, but the money isn’t here and there aren’t any jobs.  I get that, as I have been searching in this area for six months now.  But I also get that we could move to a city, where I could become gainfully employed and he could be looking for something and we would be much better off financially then we are now.  Now, we are poor.  Very poor.  It is a new experience for me, and one I will never forget as I dig my way out of it. 

But, I fear the employment landscape has changed so much in the past years, that I will have much difficulty finding a position that I am qualified for.  I have professional business and technical skills.  And I have applied for almost 25+ jobs in the last two weeks.  Two have sent me additional information about their employment process, and I have to wonder just how difficult is it to get a job these days.  Both have required tests regarding your personality.  Both are requesting background checks and the much dreaded credit check.  The credit check could tank me immediately.  Which totally sucks considering three years ago it was stellar and had been for 20 years.  The past year alone has ruined my credit and now I fear it will hurt my chances of getting a good job.  Which just doesn’t seem right.  The whole reason I so desperately need a job right now is to get me out of this credit crisis.  And the reason that I may not find a great job is the credit card companies.  These banks who have mismanaged them selves to the point that the government (My tax dollars) have to step in to save them are the reason I can’t even get hired with bad credit.  Bad credit that they intensified with their multiple and exorbitant fees.  Crooks are costing me work.  They should be left to their own demise.   I do not agree with bailing them out if I can’t get a bail out myself.  WTF??? 

This country is so F’d up right now, I fear for the future of my children.  What will be left for them?  It is just so sick and wrong.  What happened to America?  I can’t imagine my ancestors who came here for a better life from Sweden could have ever thought that these days would come to pass.  The corruption and greed of a few have destroyed many.   The whole country needs an overhaul!!!   I certainly hope that Obama can work some magic and get us out of this mess.  Is it really too much to ask for…a job so I can pay my bills and feed my family???  What has this world come to?  Sad isn’t it….

Iz

Another Valentines day where my husband is on the road and not present.  Not that I mind, but I guess Valentine Days’ of the past were somewhat better.  Of course I personally don’t believe in Valentines Day anyway.  It always seemed like a commercial holiday promoted by retail outlets to boost profits.  I never appreciated the fact that roses suddenly increased in price around V day and the rest of the year were moderately priced.  And I certainly don’t need candy!!!!  Living in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do only increased my weight! 

But I do hope that people who celebrate V Day have a great time.  Just because my husband doesn’t do that type of stuff and I don’t believe in promoting the retail outlets when they increase prices for this big event, doesn’t mean that others can’t celebrate.   I wouldn’t mind a great dinner out and a quiet evening with someone I loved.  Just not into presents when it really isn’t necessary.  If we were rich, however, then he better be out finding something shiny for me!!!  I would love shiny, but not when we are poor as dirt!

Speaking of being poor as dirt, I have been actively applying for jobs all week.  Nothing yet, but I refuse to give up.  I figure as soon as I get a job, the kids and I will move to the city and stay with my parents.  That totally sucks, but when you don’t have any money, you do what you have to!  I figure when I get back on my feet then maybe we can find something for the three of us and then we can bring our favorite dog with us.   I also figure that there is no way in hell I would get any type of loan right now with the creditors on my back constantly.  

I am still having trouble believing I allowed myself to get into this mess to begin with.  I should have never moved to the country.  Oh well, live and learn right?!?   I can’t help but think that having ADHD and not knowing it has impacted my life and the life of my kids.  It is better to know that sometimes you make decisions too quickly or impulsively and you need to slow down and make decisions more informed.  That you have to think through things and not knee jerk with situations that potentially negatively effect your life.  Would have been awesome to be aware much sooner in life and to have learned the skills that I now have learned.  It is like saying I would love to do it over and have all the knowledge that I have now.  Things could have been so different!  But maintaining a positive zen attitude will allow me to re build and be stronger. 

Iz

So my guilty pleasure has moved to Tuesdays.  And true to course another “beauty” has been kicked off.  There are two women and two men left to compete for the money and notoriety.  Last night another of the guys, Ray, got kicked out.  I didn’t expect him to get the ax, as I thought that Laura deserved it more since her whole attitude was off during that show.  I think they both eventually need to go, but I think I would have picked her.  I had to feel sorry for Ray and his inability to shut his mouth.  The comment about the loner kid was F’d up.  But in a normal situation, wouldn’t others be thinking along the same line??  At least he engaged the teenages; Laura didn’t even speak to them. 

I am starting to wonder if the program isn’t rigged.  Quite honestly last week when the blond (in more ways than one) Chelsea got kicked off, I had to wonder, didn’t Joel deserve it more?  I think so, but I am also happy he is still around!  Despite his arrogance, I actually see some potential in him.   Maybe that is why he is still around.  I pick him or Julia to win the whole thing since my true favorite CJ is gone.  I was quite sad to see CJ go, I thought out of all of them and the various behavior that has been shown, he appeared to be the most genuine.  I was really pulling for him. 

Anyway, I will continue to watch and try to figure out who will win.  And now that the Bachelor was on in True Beauty’s place last Monday, I am going to have to check out that show too.  There are some of the Bachelor shows that I have watched, and some that I just haven’t.  I haven’t been watching this one, but the next weeks highlights that were given out Monday night look like a huge twist in the program that even I am intrigued to watch.  Apparently the Bachelorette who rejected the current Bachelor comes back and tells him she made a mistake.  HolyCrap! 

It is nice to escape the realiy in my universe right now with frivalous reality programs that give regular people 15 mminutes of fame.

Iz

Sorry to be absent a couple days.  Been dealing with climbing out of my little hole.  I have intensified the job search and decided to move back to the city where there are more opportunities.  So, I have been in full planning mode and have taken my Ritalin regularly to help me out. 

I just read a news article, it’s short, so I will post it here:

“The FBI is conducting more than 500 investigations of corporate fraud amid the financial meltdown.

FBI Deputy Director John Pistole is describing the bureau’s efforts to the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Pistole says there are 530 active corporate fraud investigations, and 38 of them involve corporate fraud and financial institution matters directly related to the economic crisis.

Also appearing before the committee is Neil Barofsky, the watchdog of the government’s $700 billion Wall Street rescue package passed last year.

Senate Democrats are urging more spending to expand the ranks of the FBI’s financial fraud investigators.”

Guess what, as a former corporate employee, I only see this number going up.  I had a position where I was high enough to witness the abuse of some executives.  And quite frankly it was startling.  As someone who was raised with values and ethics, I couldn’t understand how people like that were in the positions they held.  It certainly turned me off to a career path in Corporate America.  Quite honestly, the abuse was so rampant, that I couldn’t figure any other way to advance but to join their party or become a pawn in their chess game.   I chose to take a position that limited my exposure to them and just put my head down and do my job.  Of course, I wasn’t a player, so I eventually got laid off, but truly it beats being an unethical human being. 

And there were plenty of ethical abuses.  These people at the top had cars, houses, boats, toys galore, and they just kept making more money while limiting the income potential of employees at lower levels.  They limited merit increases, reduced bonuses and increased the cost of benefits to the employee.  Here were the very people who afforded them a luxury lifestyle and they were screwing them any way possible.   Sure there were cut backs that needed to be made, but you never saw those people cut back anything.  They lied, cheated, and abused their power.  They took care of the people who covered for them and tortured those who didn’t.  I saw many good people suffer at their expense.  But I wasn’t in a position as a single mother to do anything about it.  And that is exactly what they count on.  If you want to keep your job ~ shut up, sit down, and do your job.  See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil and you will be fine.

The only time I did decide to speak up I got no support at all and ended up being let go.  I was a trouble maker.  And yes I was a single mother with two kids to feed.  And the abuse went further when the company told a recruiting company I was working with to get another job that I was a bad employee.  I was black listed and couldn’t find another job in that city. 

There is no greater pain than lowering your child’s quality of life because you have had enough and decide to do something about it.  What lesson is to be learned in that?  Yep – If you want to keep your job ~ shut up, sit down, and do your job.  See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil and you will be fine.

I do not want to work for a corporation again, but feel that I don’t have a choice given my extensive business experience and current state of financial ruin.  But this time I have a plan, I will find a job, but while I am working I am going to get my Masters degree in Counseling so I can start my own business and leave corporations for good. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure that there are some good corporations out there, and some good executives who aren’t abusive.  But I have personally worked with 3 separate organizations and have experienced the same ethical concerns with the top executives of all three.  And these are Fortune 500 companies, not just some small companies. 

I am glad the rest of the world is finding out about these executives, but I am also worried about what it means for Corporate America as a whole.  Just when the country is in a crisis, we need ethical executives more than ever.  Hopefully there are some out there that can take over for the crooks and save some of the good companies. 

Iz